10 for 10

10 great things about 2010, every day!

2 words to electrify your business

  1. Innovation
  2. Collaboration
There - how's that for the briefest blog post ever from the keys of a rambling commentator?

Having said that, I sense you would feel distinctly short-changed if I didn't at least justify these mots juste. Sure, you now have the dynamite in your hands, but where's the ignition?

First let me explain why these two multisyllabic mongrels are like sentiment Semtex to me.

Innovation is all about differentiation (and I only have two words so I've amalgamated the two). Why are you breathtaking? What does it take to separate you from the competition? That, my friend - and yes, you are looking incredible today - is what makes innovation such a standout for your business.

Innovation is:

  • Discovering what works
  • Using that to underpin your methods and strategies
  • Developing something so amazingly better than your discovery, with the fundamental success principle as the backbone, that people will wonder how they lived without it
  • Constantly reinventing yourself, the jobs of your crew, and the product, so that its evolutionary mantra is to be different to anything else, anywhere
It's not as tough as it sounds.

Think of the last time you used something and it didn't do what you wanted it to do. Insight.

Think about how you used that screw in place of a coat hanger. Insight + action = innovation.

We're ignoring the fact the screw will ultimately tear a hole in someone's jacket. My recommendation is if the screw is a long-term solution, rather than the tried and tested 'chicken wire, Sellotape and papier mache' philosophy of botch, you always get someone else to put their coat on the industrial coat hanger first.

Insight and action, perception and care. The four horsemen of innovation. I weave passion into 'care' because if you don't have the passion, you can't care. And if you have passion, you'll be curious enough to search for new ways to do things. Just as you did when your coat fell on the floor because there weren't enough hangers.
 

Collaboration

Today my mind wrote a love letter to a local newspaper that is frankly on its arse. Neglected and shivering like the dog in those RSPCA adverts; different, in that the dog gets rescued.

This paper is in the thralls of expiration. It is dancing mournfully towards a sad and inconsequential death. It is the Dervish without the whirl, the Ball without the Cannon. It is, in a much more abbreviated sense, evaporating.

Quite aside from the number of typos, or maybe their trigger, is that it is maligned by its curators. It is considered something that you would wipe from your shoe - if you didn't have a courtier.

I'm not casting disrespect on my journalist peers; in fact, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt. For if they were to tell me it's a labour of love, I would suggest they find an alternative profession to which their skills are more suited.

There is no sense of community. There is no sense of 'this is what you asked for'. No 'we simply want to be your voice'. The very essentials of any local organ.

No listening, no interacting. No collaboration.

I worked in the travel industry for years. There was a magazine for holiday sellers. The editor knew the rules and, some might say, he made them for others to follow. Few did.

One of his principles was to go one further than engage his audience - to integrate them into the creation of his magazine.

Every year Travel Weekly would run a competition, with a great deal of pomp, for one travel agent to be its poster child. This lucky - and it was lucky, because you were summarily invited to all manner of exciting events and familiarisation trips, and laden down with countless goodies - would write a weekly column about the industry.

It didn't matter that it wasn't possessed with high journalistic principles and morals. In fact it was all the better for it. The most read section of the magazine, week in, week out.

Why? Because it spoke for the readers, to the readers. It expressed their thoughts. And it gathered feedback, not only from columnists in the same magazine, but inside and outside the industry. It sparked major campaigns, it illuminated MPs and got discussed in the corridors of power.

Power. The power of collaboration.

To be a successful business you have to understand what makes your reader happy and then go further, to the edges of their expectations and beyond.

Or as God(in) would say, Be the Purple Cow.

Think unthought:
  • The Philharmonic Hall where the stage is bright and lovely, then you repair to the toilet and the inner and outer door clash like ill-practised lutes.
  • The dog owners who say they adore the great outdoors and then allow their pets to foul freely. The bags of excrement swinging in the trees, the crap on the football pitch. Jesus, this gets me.
Think thought:
  • Liverpool's sparse Lebanese restaurant Saharaa that does a few things, but remarkably well. They set the scene with pretty music and lightweight decor; hookahs are only £6 a blow; and the food champions your tastebuds as a footballer at the height of his craft would tame a free kick.
  • Cromwell's Restaurant, Wirral: you don't just want to eat here, you want to take the recipes away to try at home. Our condiment sets are so unique, you steal them. We host Tweetups, and we even show you how to use WordPress. We build communities. We're so much more than a place to dine. I'm going on Valentine's Day - I can't wait.
  • The company that engages every conceivable - potent - method of reacting to customer need. GetSatisfaction, the legendary 4Q online survey pioneered by Google Analytics' Avinash Kaushik, Twitter (and Monitter), Facebook, Google Buzz (urgh!). The company that challenges the norm. The company that listens, but then sets the standard that exceeds the want. But don't misinterpret these tools as reaction facilitators: you have to lead.
You can be unaware. Or you can be the thought leader.

What does all this boil down to? Collaboration, care (that's your passion) and the art of customer service.

How to sum everything up - both innovation and collaboration? Easy: otaku. Exceptional passion, exceptional service.

Exceptional success.

Have a great weekend!

The social business revolution

If you're looking for commentary on Google Buzz, bugger off. This is about something meaningful. Game and life-changing. Want to be part of 2010's headline event? Read on...

You're a small business grasping for recognition. You compete against the work of big brands, but your customers are way happier with your service.

Why shouldn't you have the advantage? Why shouldn't your reputation among customers count for everything?

Welcome to a new way of doing business and getting what you want. Welcome to Exceptional Businesses for Exceptional Success.

The theory is simple: you give great service, you get great growth.

The concept: Reviews and customer feedback drive business achievement.

In practice: A variation on the Google Maps theme is populated with every single business on earth. As your service and product quality grows, so does the map presence of the business.

Key advantages of EBEC:

  • If you're a very small business with an exceptional commitment to service, you have equal footing with an established business with moderate reviews. As you grow in reputation, so you evolve on the map
  • Business spend is focused on product development and delivery, not on wasteful advertising strategies.
It will take legal and educational intervention to make this happen. We need to:
  1. Legalise a mandatory system of customer feedback. Interaction and reporting on customer feedback is an absolute element of EBEC. Without mechanisms to obviate consistent and measurable feedback, this new method of business success cannot succeed.
  2. Reinstate freedom of speech regarding service and product reviews. No more of this bullshit where you're impeded from writing an honest negative review because your opinions are taken hostage by threats of legal action/ramifications.
  3. Teach children from an early age the importance of serving the community by spreading news by word of mouth and mouse, objectively and without prejudice.
Point one necessitates imposing restrictions on human rights organisations. I'm all for saving people from filthy jails but we need to understand that to progress society, we need to adopt certain processes that traditionally might be perceived as bordering on the invasive. For example: in the case of those people without computers or internet access, with their permission we must be allowed to make note of their commentary via on-street recording devices. I'm all for identity cards, incidentally, but that's an aside. So long as we can prove without impediment that the individual has approved their feedback to be channelled for a common benefit, that suits the means.

Shops and businesses should be provided with on-the-spot methods for gathering customer service intelligence. Feedback buttons should be placed on exit, feeding real-time customer satisfaction results to displays above the entrance.

There's no reason why you couldn't extend EBEC to public services, such as schools and banks.

Remember, this is a way of benefiting us all.

While the caring, sharing business is the obvious beneficiary, the community advantage is in sorting the wheat from the chaff. You'll know where to shop, where to get your accounts done. Those business with the potential to become great will pull their socks up and their Monopoly-esque houses on the map will become big hotels.

The differentiator between EBEC and now is in the level playing field. So you don't have money for huge ad campaigns? To hell with it: your products are rock solid and your people are incredible. The rewards are obvious.

How do we kick things off? There are organisations in existence already that could facilitate EBEC. Sites like GetSatisfaction could extend their remit to cover off the electronic channel for harvesting and analysing customer feedback data.

We're in an era of Anywhere connectivity. Why not let us make it work for us, for a change?


EBEC is the stuff of incredible futures. For us. For businesses. For everyone. All it takes is a change of mindset and a plan of action. Are you ready to make the change?

----------------------------

A few days ago we sorted today's kids out by enforcing compulsory community commitments for those claiming state benefits.

Now we've sorted business out.

What shall we sort out next? World poverty? Greenhouse gas emissions?

Let me know what you want the Ideas Geek to work on and we'll get it done. Sharpish.

10 ways to inspiraction

Lazy-squirrel

There's a cauldron of desperation brewing in the catacombs of this small town we call World. You can discern its mighty rage in the air, the poison on the seas and its peripatetic undulations transgressing into every moaning pore.

Hubble, bubble, boil, bilge and bollocks. The cauldron is circled in perpetuity by a quartet of witches. Hidden behind their burkha-like veils they plot and plan for a future largely unknown by us mere mortals. But if it is to dawn, it will strike deeper into our core than the apocalyptic twins of global warning and religion-fuelled terrorism.

These four purveyors of demonology go by familiar monikers.

Lethargy. Inaction. Inability.  Inertia.

Their talons spread far wider than the branches of a Great Oak tree. Right now their wispy tentacles, outpouring from their fingers like a dirty waterfall, have already caressed your mind.

Lethargy is first to strike. She sees you, confused with tasks and life in general. And so she pulses you with her evil touch. Sometimes it fails, and you shake it off briskly and find your way through the mire.

But Lethargy isn't afraid to repeat her sinister seduction. Once you're under her spell, her three Sisters of Merciless contrive and combine to reel you into their lair and add you to the notches on their maladjusted bedpost.

Once Lethargy has polluted your thoughts for a few minutes - and be in no doubt, friends, that it only takes the briefest of moments for Lethargy to work her dark magic; once those minutes have elapsed, you will soon be tossed through time to the grimy mitts of Inaction.

Sometimes Inaction strikes quickly, in concert with Inertia. Often Inaction is disguised as her fair cousin Hope, when you grasp at any plan, any promise of action for ways to combat Lethargy. Inaction is at her most devious here: once the mask slips you're a whirling Dervish at the font of Inaction's metamorphosis into the third heir apparent, Inertia.

Toxicity seeps from her ugly wounds. She is the angriest of practitioners in the style of neopaganism. Inertia is where despairing souls turn to before conceding to the fourth and most spirit-destroying sibling.

Inertia is the deepest ravine, the feistiest ocean. Fighting Inertia is futile. And once Inertia has clasped you close to her withered bosom, you acknowledge future is to be full of pain and denial. Defeat and despair. For when that day comes you will be riddled with thoughts of Inability, and she will possess you 'til the end of time.

The four witches circle the cauldron of pain, misery and sorrow. In perpetuity they toil, they spurn freshness in favour of foulness.

Do you want Lethargy? Do you want to be the next victim of the Sisters of Merciless?

Do not lay down your arms. Do not yield or sacrifice to the dark world of malaise.

Behold, for a new day dawns. A world in which you can defeat and destroy the rogue forces that threaten mankind.

For inside all of us rides a brave knight on a white steed. Their name in unison is Action.

Liz Oakes tells me of a poverty-ridden community that gave their all to the victims of Haiti. The poor, sacrificing for the poorer. Action.

Another: "I saw a CEO of a good company cremate bodies of those who had died alone in despair. This is a great act since their beneficiaries will not be able to give anything in return." Action.

A hotel company gave away free nights to random customers. An elderly couple had booked in to stay close to their grandchildren while the kids' parents were in hospital. They were given a free stay, saving them much-needed funds. Action.

"Two young girls went to the check out with two identical handfuls of candy. The clerk rang the first little girl up as the little girl held out a fistful of change. The clerks face sagged a bit as she told the young girl she did not have enough. Her friend immediately said she would put her candy back so she could help her little friend pay for her candy. Then a man directly behind them laid a 10 on the counter saying let them keep the change and hurried out to his car. The two were overjoyed and tried to thank the man but he was gone. It’s not always the largest of gifts that can have a very lasting effect on ones life." Action.

Jesus' death on the cross. Action.

"My favorite was hearing about a coffee house where customers were buying a cup for the next person in line. It’s a simple gesture, but definitely gives the next person in line a smile!" Action.

"Maria J. Dutra is the Founder and President of Elohim Adonai Charity Centre Inc. that is located at 1350 Main Street in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Maria is an amazing and inspirational woman who overcame serious medical conditions. She is is dedicated to helping the poor, the homeless and others in need." Action.

Of the Zeebrugge ferry disaster: "A woman told how her husband (Andrew Parker) had made himself into a human bridge so she and her daughter could climb across to safety - but when she called to him to follow he said there were others who needed help getting out. He has not been seen since." Action.

In Afghanistan Sergeant Craig Brelsford fought a war he couldn't win against Taliban opposition to recover the body of a fallen comrade. He, too, gave his life. Action.

And finally, from a good friend Kammi Hackett: " I know someone who while living abroad, put a young boy who lived in the slums through school. They went to the parents evenings to see how he was progressing, visited and encouraged him to do well so that he might have a different life to that of his family. I have always felt that acts that require you to sacrifice your time and effort are more valuable than those where one can just open their wallet." Action.

The witches are in perpetual misery. Not because of the task at hand, to which they commit wholly, without reservation. But for the rebellion by humankind against their mission to take this beautiful planet and turn it into a sanatorium of misery for lost, lazy souls.

We can all play our part, no matter how small, in conquering tumultuous malaise. It starts with baby steps. The desire to do, to act, to commit.

To be the best you can be.

Have you begun?

Bob Booby Bites Back: The Fragmented Reality Session

Bob Booby returns for another inconsequential rant on the state of humankind and our desperate drive for self-immolation at the altar of asinine attitudes...

What's all this fuss about Siri? Turning your phone into a virtual assistant? Well hello there Starship Enterprise, what are wives for! Stick it up your arse - is there an app for that, too?

Siri is supposed to jerk lots of different services off the web like real-time plumbing concierges and tractor menders so you can do anything, anytime. In a skin suit or out. Some chap called Scooble says Siri is what the web was made for, that it's the “get rid of pages and glue APIs and people together" era.

The Service Interface for Real-time Information. Well blow me down with a nerd feather. Is that really going to set the world on fire? Can't they say it's an acronym of Sex In a Room of Incandescents? Or maybe I just popped their cork by doing a super secret search on my private interwebs firehose.

Source of Inspiration for Rude Intoxication. It all sounds a bit like the Day of Reckoning to me, but without Arnie. When that lad from the bible talked about fire and brimstone, evidently he was talking about Siri.

There's some big-time smoke and mirror activity going on around here, mark these. In a week's time I reckon it'll all come out as some elaborate premature April Fool's Day hoax, at which point the creators may see their cocks literally wither away to nothingness. That's what happens when you roger the Scoobster over a barrel. I love him, and I love the idea of Siri, a lot. I think they're both great. I like the fact they're both on-demand. But I have to wonder how something that has been created to show people when their buses are due, can possibly turn into a game-changer, and force you to spray your everything over a big wall. Unless you're a busaholic or a train spotter. In which case, find a bunker and several spare clean pairs of pants, because you're about to be rocked to your very foundations.

Aside and very relevant segue: I'm singing Kylie and Jase with the missus on Valentine's Day. Mucho - mucho - excited. But my goodness, that Jase does carry a note, doesn't he? It probably says: "Anytime, big boy" on it.

And it's hardly new. Hasn't anyone in the United of States heard of 118 118? Last time I wanted a good curry - it was about four hours ago, if I recall - I called those Steve Cram pretenders with the bushy brows and they were only too happy to tell me I didn't have a cat in hell's chance of finding a half-decent ruby purveyor north of Bermondsey. Which frankly, is quite the inconvenience when you live about 150 miles north of Bermondsey. At 3am in the morning.

This Siri is just one step closer to us being ascribed by alien life forces. Talking to your phone! Sometimes I think people forget what phones were made for.

Take these so-called 'smart' phones. When did they last take a look through the dictionary (I'm up to B and stuck on ballyhoo) to see what smart actually means?

According to thefreedictionary.com smart means:

a. Characterized by sharp quick thought; bright. When was an inanimate object bright? It runs out of battery when you're mid-call; you can't see the display in the dark (which is the very antithesis of bright, no?); the keys are too close together and the screen is too small. BRIGHT?
b. Amusingly clever; witty: a smart quip; a lively, smart conversation. Now here's where my phone really (sarcastic) goes to town. I swear it's employed by the MI5 to explorer the inner recesses of my very disturbed mind. Well try as I might I can't get a bloody word out of it. And then when I use it to call someone, the person on the other end of the line always sounds like a cross between a gibbon and Stephen Hawking, asleep. I think I need to change friends.
c. Impertinent; insolent: That's enough of your smart talk. Well there's the truth. I want to make a note on my phone? Sorry, sir, we don't have a notes application. The camera doesn't focus. I can't send an MMS because it costs 50p. And O2 has whipped my web bolt on, off, because of some technical issue. And they pointedly refuse to reinstate it! That surely is enough of your smart talk.

What a load of crap. Baloney. Horse manure.

This Siri thing. We're all too soft these days - especially that Thackeray chap. Mastermind Groups, indeed. He'll be asking for clones of his ego, next. Imagine that - lots of tall egos wandering round the town, eating sausages out of buns and making quick quips about ladies in summer dresses. Doesn't sound like much fun to me.

Siri is only available on the Apple phone. So are we saying we want Apple to control our thoughts? Is that it? "Oooh, can you show me where the next Gay Pride march is, please, so I can dress up like a sheep-pansy and follow the crowd?"

Because apparently I don't want a mind, anymore. I want to be told what to do. Recommendation engines? More like end-of-civilisation engine. So we just stop having opinions, yeah? Because instead of making our own minds up we all furtively follow the collected thoughts of others. What happens when Siri goes belly up? Trained to think only if someone tells us to, the human race will be left in glorious disarray. There are enough feral youths on the streets today without us having to yield to the rampant anonymity of conceptual void.

Which reminds me. Me and my missus were having some banter the other day about why kids are gluttons for moodiness these days. Apparently (this is a she point) it's because parents are all on benefits these days and they show their kids that they don't need to do anything to get everything. And that's how it's going to be until this government of ours wakes up and smells the shoeshine.

Ergo unless you're crippled, in order to achieve benefits status you have to go and contribute to society in some way. To go sweep some floors, teach some 'tards or make the flower beds all smelly-nicey and tidy again.

I can see the she point on this one. It makes complete sense. Let's erode the ignorance and let's march for community. Because community is where the heart is, right?

So long as we don't have village greens and cricket. I loathe cricket. Mind you, I loathe most things...

Bob Booby was brought to you by Nev's Chippy and Tom's Tractor Menders. All views expressed herein are the views of Bob Booby and are in no way supported, endorsed, or bought with anything other than magic beans by the man behind DaveThackeray.com.

10 ways to unlock your Mastermind

Brains-trust

I'm fresh from an enchanting chat with @alexparr, founder of The Brains Trust and devotee of the Mastermind Group concept.

You'll remember on Friday I wrote a piece eulogising all over the idea of Mastermind Groups. Why? Put simply, they're the most effective way to spend a few hours a month. The most potent cocktail of minds whipped up into a frenzied session of brainstorming, problem solving and course-charting to make your enterprise stronger and more profitable than ever before.

Ingredients:
Six to 10 business owners
A room (or phone)
Some biscuits
A pad
An open mind

Concoct., discuss issues of the day affecting your business, playing on your mind, or providing opportunities for the future, and serve yourself up, covered in success.

If you're a small business owner drop everything (including the kitchen sink, since you're probably playing plumber with that as well as the million other things you're doing to make your company stay afloat) and join one. It's a no-brainer to be a big-brainer with Mastermind Groups.

When should you get involved?

Right now. Find out why on the podcast below.

About the podcast
Alex has given us some incredible - priceless - advice about the power of gathering minds for mutual success. All her experience distilled into a powerful half-hour chat. You can't - shouldn't - won't miss this!

Ten learnings from Alex about Mastermind Groups...
Specify, don't diversify. Leave that to fund managers and rivers.
Work on your business, not in it. How many times have we juggled too many balls, ignoring what matters? We set up our own businesses to free ourselves. Yet we end up shackling ourselves to the dungeon of work. I do. You do. Why?
Don't work in isolation. Mastermind Groups bring together everyone for mutual success. You'll be amazed what you're capable of, simply by sharing your ideas with others.
Accept advice. None of us do - all of us should.
Master self confidence. A Mastermind Group can transform even the shrinkiest of violets into the strongest of sunflowers.
It's rewarding. Both on a personal and professional level.
Experience is everything. Everyone has something to bring.
Commitment is crucial.
Focus is phenomenal.
It takes three months, minimum. Changing your mindset isn't an overnight practical - you need to fix up some time on your calendar and work through it to find yourself. Three months is nothing - a Mastermind Group is everything to you and your future success.

Alex made a very good point about the power of collaboration. The power of social networking. Think about your experiences: finding people on Twitter who changed your mindset or gave you a fresh start. Incredible, right?

What did you think of the podcast? Got some inspirational thinking you want to share? Shout me up!

10 things you should know

1. You talk too much
2. You stress too much
3. You eat too much (or too little)
4. You work too hard
5. You love too softly
6. You don't think enough
7. You don't learn enough
8. You don't listen enough
9. You take too long. in the bathroom. tying your shoelaces. daydreaming. thinking about your next move instead of making it. Wondering how to love, instead of making it
10. You're perfect exactly as you are.

10 Things I'm All About - VIDEOOOOH!

Today was a bit on the tough side, blogging-wise. Been for a walk in the dunes, cast some crazy ideas on a business front, crazier still since it's a chill-out Saturday. And then figured I should probably wrap it up in a 10 Things I'm All About That Make Life Easier For You.

I guess you could call me Mr Lifehacker. Except I'd probably get in a bit of trouble from the trademark office for suggesting that.

So instead I'll say it in a video.

A very, very poor video. Abominable production values. Atrocious scripting. FFR.

All in all, pretty much me, epitomised.

I mentioned something about an inspirational site somewhere up there. So here it is.

I also said I'd be talking in more detail with a Mastermind Group guru. And I will. More Monday.

So, in summary, this is what I'm all about:

1. Finding free ways you can be awesome. Wherever they are, I'm gonna root them out. Where they don't exist, I'll find a way to enumerate what they are and how to make them happen. For that last bit, I'm going to need your help.
2. Becoming a better podcaster (it won't take much). I'm already telling stories, but that's yesterday's news. I ant to start making stories, and telling them too. But more importantly, I want to hear YOUR stories, and share them with the world. I need you more than you need me, but we can both win together.
3. Inspiring you. I've always been out there to give other people a hand. But sometimes giving a hand isn't enough. You have to teach, coach, hold that goddamn hand until it all makes sense.
4. Writing guest posts to turbocharge your blogs. I'll do that in a heartbeat. For you. And for your audience. And for the world.
5. Learning the freak out of WordPress.
6. Launching my own Mastermind Group. I've always wanted to play like an adult. This is my chance.
7. Finding that niche. God knows it can't be that hard, can it? I mean, we all have our strengths? Well I'll tell you: out of the glorious 10 written down here, this is by a country mile the most taxing ask of all. Every time I think I have it
8. Taking advice. Not being shy to ask. I'm a guy, it's what I do worst. Suggesting I can't do something is like confessing I fancy horses. I'll leave that stuff to Robert Redford.
9. Gratitude. Every little second, hour, week and year flies by yet none of us find enough time to be thankful.
10. Stop spending so much time on this PC. Get out. Shake it all about. Then back to the PC. And breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeathe...

Go get a beer. You sure as hell deserve it.

10 reasons you need a Mastermind Group. Now.

Thanks, Bob. Missing you and your big angry rod already...

What's up, people? Having a great week? I've been undergoing a radical transformation in my habitation. From city to coast.

Had a very funny experience with our estate agent yesterday. After leaving the apartment in an unblemished state, going so far as to scrub the u bends of the bogs free of any undigested food particles, I was delighted to receive the following query:

Just a quick one,

I couldn’t find the toilet brush & holder that was on the inventory?

That was the only problem I found, thanks for leaving the apartment clean and tidy – makes my life easier.

If you could let me know about the toilet brush and holder that would be great

Not one to miss an opportunity to write stuff, I responded. With aplomb.

Now then - the toilet brush and holder... Since it was a piece of furniture that would have looked too expensive in Poundland (in fact I saw the exact same toilet brush and holder in Wilkinsons for 79p) and the fact that, how do we say this, it had been used, we took the liberty of disposing of that. I'm sure that was a tongue in cheek gag, my fine man, but if you would indeed like to have a replacement I can either bring one in to your offices or supply you with a shiny £1 coin to buy one in. They also have them in jet blue or Liverpool red.

For our privileged successor and our most helpful of landlords, we gifted a wonderful rug, a vegetable rack and a brand new squeegee for the windows. I suspect this would more than offset the cost of the toilet brush and holder - however if you want to split hairs, I'll pick those up and sell them on a street corner to raise the cash.

 
All was promptly sorted.

In other news, it seems I need a proper kick up the arse. I've been taking my business for granted, slaving at the PC but shirking any form of auto-discipline. I'm like an unguided missile that could literally go off anywhere, anytime.

I get the feeling that you're a bit like that, too.

What we need is a way to master ourselves. To become more focused. To channel our ideas, turn them into action.

One of the best ways I have discovered to do this is to assemble a virtual board for your business, consisting of inspirational people like yourself who can offer advice, help you set goals and feed back on your achievements.

Something like a Mastermind Group.

I'm all over this like cheese on a cheesecake. So's David Risley, and he makes more money in a day than you did last year. Maybe.

Here's my take on Mastermind Groups:

  1. You're no longer alone. One of the major banes of being a freelance is working in isolation. At times this is a glorious way to operate, at others it can be immensely frustrating. So having someone to chat over your thoughts and hopes with - and more importantly, get valuable insight into things that may or may not be good for you - is gold. This is why you need a Mastermind Group
  2. You have a reason to excel. There's no more potent motivation than having someone rooting for you, and checking your progress. Get yourself together some cool goals, find out from your posse whether they're real-world-proof (but ultimately it's your decision, ok? The group is a place to create, not dictate) and once they're out there, you have to go and grab the golden egg. And you will - we're all on your side, and we want to hear progress each and every time we meet. There's no greater motivator than that.
  3. It's an excuse to mine minds. Assemble everyone in the same place at the same time and you can genuinely indulge in a form of cerebral exercise that you just can't get anywhere else. Think about it - up to 8 people, each hugely driven to  make waves in the world through their respective ventures, capturing ideas and forming plans. Collaborating on the future. Collaboration - it's the only way to do business today. And there's no excuse not to, because with Mastermind Groups you can meet up...
  4. Anytime, anywhere. It's motivating enough to tease us out of our comfort zones, so we make the effort. This new regime of anywhere connectivity means your assembly can span territories, not just industries. We're not playing in our back yard any more - or if we are, our back yard comprises oceans, jungles and vast swathes of desert. Got a PC? Skype everyone in to the group call. Get a forum together, or create a Google Wave, so the momentum is maintained when there's space between you and the next call. My group-in-the-making consists of folks from the US, UK and Australia. And if I get my way, a prominent IMer who's relocating to a stylish Greek villa. Even though it's 6pm in Australia at 7am here in the UK, we can just about figure a way of getting us all together via Skype.
  5. Develop your listening ear. We all love to blather on, shout about our successes. But you'll only grow when you hear what's happening elsewhere. When I listen to my podcasts, a recurring issue is me jabbering on. I spend almost a minute asking a question, when my wonderfully-gracious interviewee only gets three. Wouldn't it be better to let them have all four, minus a 10-second gambit? We have two ears, one mouth - use them in that ratio. Being in the company of inspirational people will help you understand the gravitas of that statement as you learn that learning is the most powerful art of all.
  6. It's completely free - but the value is priceless. Imagine recruiting Alan Sugar or an alive version of John Harvey-Jones to take a look at the workings of your business, write down a few bits of irrelevant information, shout at you a bit because you've got a bit of sandwich on your tie (tie?! Who wears ties these days?!) and then go drinking, probably on your expenses account. It's all fun and games but it don't mean a thing compared to having someone who cares about your business to take a look at what you got and then make a few reasoned suggestions as to how to make it work even better. The nearest you come to a Mastermind Group on telly, I believe, is that Badger thing. By god she's got some front. And I think therein lies one of the ground rules for any successful Mastermind Group: switch on constructive feedback, and make it a bannable offence to be nice for nice's sake. The one thing you don't need in business is nice. What you really need is a kick up the
  7. It works. Mastermind groups will change the way you do business, using tested and proven principles. Napoleon Hill kicked it all off with his idea of a virtual board. In your head. You get all your favourite business types together on some comfy chairs, in a wood-panelled room smelling faintly of Scotch and hamsters, and oh - look - Claire Goose is on tea duty, dressed in a tight mohair sweater and pencil skirt and carrying a tray of delicacies. Mmm. We may be over the Hill, and Carnegie 'Hall' but gone, alas, but those principles have carried loads of businesses forward and their creators well beyond millionaire status. The idea of having a board room in your head, with Goose pouring you a cup of Earl Grey, may be preposterous, but that's fine - because your Mastermind Group will be staffed by real people, who will probably be delighted to administer prescription drugs in your direction as you regale them with tales of your Hill-instigated skirt with schizophrenia.
  8. It's Zen for Business. You give, you get back. Nothing feels better in the world than giving someone a good hitch-up. Even if you're a miserable bugger, in spite of yourself and your mood you can't fail to raise an inner smile when you find your advice is making a difference to someone else's life.
  9. Set your own agenda for change. If you're in the right Group, and it's not possessed by egotistical shouty types (so basically exclude anyone who's ever been a member of BNI),
  10. It's all about you. It's about your success. Everyone has everyone's interests at heart. You just can't get the same level of focus on your business, anywhere else. I'm sold - are you?

There's a sole caveat - commitment. And that commitment will ebb the moment the meeting isn't formulated, concise (though not short - you must know when a subject or issue has run its course, and move along before eyes move to watch to door to the big red button that signals the end of your interest) and interesting.

How do you set up a Mastermind Group? More tomorrow...

PS - a debate seems to be raging about whether blogs should lock down on anonymous commenting because enabling the practice appertains to playtime for trolls. I personally am of the thinking that we should live and let live - it's flattering to get any comments at all, so if someone's bothered to fly by and hoof in a few words of encouragement or plain and simple ranting, then it's a compliment to your marketing and remarkability. So bring it on!

PPS - if you run a Mastermind Group - get in touch and tell me how it's going, what the best bits are, where you meet and how you found the people in your gathering. We'd all love to hear from you.

Television - what IS it good for?

Today I'm delighted to welcome my first Guest Writer. It feels odd, having a guest writer on the site bearing my moniker. It's almost like he's my split personality, or something.

Anyway, he's a good friend of mine, and will probably soon be a very good friend of your sister, so please warm your hands and prepare to give a nice pat on the stomach to Bob Booby...

Television is rubbish. It's just not for kicks any more. It doesn't have a fraction of the fun attached to it that, say, jumping in the air of doing snow angels do.

Take my mate Dave, who runs this blog. He's your average guy - very average, in fact. How his missus puts up with him is beyond my comprehension. She's lovely - dashing, even - and the closest he comes to dashing is at 1am in the morning after forgetting to do toilet before bed.

Dave doesn't like television. I think it's because he doesn't understand it very well. He comes from the north, where they urinate outside. All very French. All very insalubrious.

But he doesn't like television, and I like him for that. It's surprising, because he's got the brain size of a pea. A pea's brain! It's a funny image, that is. A bit like Dawn French. You don't want to catch her starkers on your 60" Hitachi, let me tell you.

Dave's doing this 10 of 10 thing at the moment. It's the nearest he's come to an achievement. You gotta hand it to him - a P45, that is. If he wasn't a freelancer, which is a synonym for 'jobless loser'.

So I thought I'd help him out with 10 reasons why you shouldn't have a telly. You'll have to excuse me, I'm not very opinionated. If you enjoy the crap that Dave spouts, fear not, because he'll be back tomorrow. If he can keep it up. Talking to his missus, I wouldn't count on it...

  1. It's rubbish for advertising. Everyone knows you have to be on crack or have $3bn going spare in reserves to pump cash and confidence into TV marketing. I mean, what's the point? If you're stupid you go and make a cup of builder's tea while the ad break's on; if you're smart and savvy (for a TV viewer) you've recorded that damn programme and can either fast-forward, or you have one of them devices that simply chops out the ads for you. Noone - noone - watches ads any more. So get a big bag, slot that $3bn in the side compartment and nudge yourself myways so we can talk about the smart way to get your factories operating at optimum output.
  2. It makes you sterile. Cramming your fat arse on the sofa for prolonged periods is bad enough, but have you ever thought of the effects of that concertina posture on your baby-manufacturing organs? Normally that Walmart belt creates a safe dividing line between protruding belly and flaccid flesh string, but now you're hunched over the remote, it's every man for himself down there. You're nigh-on crushing your goddamn penis in TV-gawping pose! Which must be damaging your chances of making a mini you. Reading this I don't want you to make comparisons between Gordon Ramsay's outburst about chefs sacrificing sperm for saute by hovering dangerously close to ovens all day long. That's bullshit - the guy has more swimmers in his glans than you and I have blood cells. I do, however, believe that watching telly immolates your cock creatures.
  3. It stymies creativity. I've got 17 tabs open on Firefox right now. 17! That's more than your IQ! Thankfully I'll be through with the content of all those pages in a minute. Or I'll have a word with my VA (that's a Virtual Assistant, imbecile, not the state of Virginia, which was named after Dave, who alongside the question 'Marital Status' on the application form for a job at McDonald's, famously added: "Virgin - ya!") and she can get cracking on it. What I'm trying to say here is you can't be creative and static at the same time. You have to create the ripple effect - and I'm not talking about what happens when you try and shift your fat belly from the sofa to the kitchen to grab some more Doritos. The ripple effect means starting something, then focusing on it so hard that everything you need to achieve your goal just ripples from the kinesis of contemplation. Try it. You might have a moment to spare now Strictly Come Wrestling On Ice With Chas And Dave has finished.
  4. It gives folks like Jedward a platform. Don't. Get. Me. Started. They were on Sky News this morning, with that chubster Eamon Holmes. He's gone a bit old, quick, hasn't he? Well apparently the twins - which should have been left conjoined at birth - have been having a bit of a hard time of late. Well, stop the ***ing press! Did anyone think about coaching them on the dangers of mediocrity? They make Katie Price's bosomy twins look talented. If being twins is enough to become famous, why aren't The Chuckle Brothers replacing Chris Moyles on Radio 1? And what happened to that Krankie who fell out of the beanstalk?
  5. It created 'celebrity'. This sickens me to the core. There are people out there - honest to decent folk - who run shops, take kids across the road (I'm not talking to you, Glitter) and slash the necks of sheep to put Sunday lunch on your table. These are the celebrities of our generation. Not the likes of Pierce bloody Morgan. The world's disappeared up its own back yard. When the fat controller of BBC1 wakes up and smells the mocha, we'll all be in a better state. Because the first thing he'll do is hike up the price of your TV license to about £1,000 a day, and retire to Lumbago or another of those Caribbean islands because you'll all still pay it. And for what? It's all rubbish. Except for that Attenborough chap - he's alright, I suppose. Did you know he does the voiceovers for the chimpanzees?
  6. We have no control over it. Unless you have one of those fancy home theatre pcs or whatever, you're being dictated. Imagine that - dictated! It's like being a member of the United Kingdom community. You are? Right-o. Well you're used to it, then. Gordon Brown = your telly = loss of control = you are a lost soul, MIA. Your modus operandi isn't your concern. Because big Gord and Aunty Beeb are telling you what to do. Even when you're asleep. George Orwell said it best: the pig wins every time. See in the America they have all sorts of fancy ways to give the telly authorities the bird. They watch fancy pants interactive channels like revision3, sate their pixellated fantasies through on-demand providers like boxee and hulu, and probably even watch the BBC over the interweb without paying with some IP-swerver.
  7. It's a festering pile of horse vomit. Anyone with an ounce of wisdom - that excludes you, obviously - knows that TV makes your mind flabby. It reduces your cerebral cortex to a spindly spider's web of a neural network. You can't win. It's like being an Evertonian. What can you possibly gain from a couple of hours in front of the tellybox, apart from aggravating your piles? It boggles my mind, is what it does. Why Don't You Go And Do Something More Productive - like drinking down the pub? Help the local economy and laugh at the smokers shivering outside. What could be more fun than that?
  8. It makes kids angry and violent. The telly isn't all about the Mitchell twins, you know. Who happen to be a lot more capable than Jedward - one of them's just got back from war, apparently, where he was very good (but sponsors Brylcreem are pondering their options). But what the Mitchells have in common with what I'm about to say revolves around unlawful pugilism. Fomenting forays of fisticuffs. Because mark my words, your kids right now are plotting to overthrow your administration. Whether they got the idea from the CBeebies or a particularly prolonged session of Grand Theft Auto, you can be sure that revolution is on its way, and it will involve that silicone spatula. Parents, get comfy in your riot gear.
  9. It stops people going out and to art galleries, and that. Lethargy. Procrastination. High-scoring words in Scrabble they may be (the latter would be a tough call; possible, but you'd have to nick some letters from your gaming nemesis, probably using violence of the type you'll be seeing soon from your obsequious offspring (see 8)) but they also resonate in the hearts and minds of the anti-telly brigade. We empathise, you know? We know how it feels to be addicted to a negative force in our lives. I have this obsession with spelling mistakes and grammatical nakuracies. The next fast-food joint to sell pizza's will be getting a Molotov through the winder, all burning bottle and a copy of the English dictionary inside with 'idiot' highlighted in yellow.
  10. I haven't got one. I really want one of those Pioneer Kuro screens but @leolaporte got the last one and it's just not fair. So maybe I'm just bitter. *Newsflash* maybe there is a way - apparently when Pioneer kiboshed its Kuro range on cost grounds, it decided to do some kind of deal with Panasonic. The result is the Viera G2 line of TVs, featuring legacy Pioneer technology. Oh man, this bleedin' internet is just too damn addictive. I hadn't even considered this could ever happen, and now I'm hotfooting betwixt this post and amazon and allsorts trying to find a way I can see/get my hands on this telly.

Tomorrow: Same shit, different Dave...

Be a glutton for life

It's not surprising most of us get to the winter of our lives and complete this doleful sentence: "I only wish I'd..."

So few of us actually get the most out of the one life we have. Instead we procrastinate and peddle laziness.

50 years later when our legs are seizing up and Gardeners Question Time is the closest we'll get to a lively and life-enriching debate, we weakly murmur how it could have been so different.

The moment is now, people.

We want to do it, we really do. We want to bound from bed, go for a run, play Rock Band with the kids and then lead a fruitful existence in the productivity stakes.

That's the intention. But only a meagre number of us follow the idea through to execution. In much the same way as freelancers ruin their dreams by forgetting to turn creativity - the art of inspiration - into innovation, the art of execution.

To illustrate my point about wasted opportunities, some research (yikes - I just lost you!) by sunshine.co.uk shows that less than half of people taking all-inclusive holidays, snapped up the all-inclusive meal package. There's a very good chance that half of those didn't make it to breakfast after being zonked out on Margaritas the night before; but the other half of the less than half, I'm sure, were sprung poolside by malaise and decided to skip the sausage and chips 'special'.

Life is all-inclusive. Face it - there's very little you and I couldn't do. Even if you have no legs, prosthetics can help you run a marathon, or jump from a plane.

Seth Godin's Purple Cow talks about being remarkable. To be successful in business you have to be remarkable, he says.

And if you nail the Purple Cow in your 9-5, you better get the T-bone for dessert. So to speak. If you're flogging yourself 8 hours (and the rest) every day of the week, it becomes even more important to seize every moment and make it work for you.

The thing about life is it doesn't matter what you do, so long as you do.

It took me 34 years to discover that man is at his most content when he's in verb. Any action. You defer, you die. You act now, you live more happily and with greater motivation than you could ever hope for by couching out and watching some pap on telly.

I started a new GCal - so I can figure out how to diarise my time. I registered to use WorkTimer so I can feel guilty when I mess about while I should be focusing on a project. Then all my free time really is free time. And I can start working as hard on being a glutton for life as I do for my clients.

And motivation is restored!